


Swipe Right

by ahappyphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012, M/M, but not in the way you’re thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23019397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahappyphil/pseuds/ahappyphil
Summary: Dating apps, first dates, and knowing what you want
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 30
Kudos: 105





	Swipe Right

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of this video
> 
> https://youtu.be/Hc-6N8zRcYk
> 
> Thank you to @yikesola for betating and threatening me to not delete it <3

The decision to even agree to do this wasn’t taken lightly. Two hours at the dining room table with a list of pros and cons, which in retrospect was a bit excessive for what ended up being a 3 minute video. 

But everything they do nowadays seems to have to go through the scrutiny of their own filtering process. Even things that would make them a quick buck before they move soon. Even things that would help with the hundreds of thousands of eyes on them at the moment, waiting for a sign. Another slip up. A confirmation they’re certainly not ready to give yet. 

So yeah, Dan gave the okay to let Phil tell the producers they’d do the fucking dating app segment. 

*

“We don’t actually respond to any messages unless we have to.” 

Dan has been pacing the living room ever since they finished filming the first shot of them filling out the questionnaires. It’s starting to feel too real. 

“Yep.” Phil’s still fiddling with the settings of his app. Of course he’s finding a way to entertain himself instead of having a crisis. 

“And female preference only.” It hurts to say it. It hurts even worse when Phil looks up at him with equal parts sadness and annoyance.

He knows Phil’s smart enough to know that, it just feels like one of the several elephants in the room. There’s practically a jungle of metaphorical large mammals in this lounge alone. 

Dan doesn’t have the brain capacity to freak out over being reminded that things are ten times harder when you’re ga-that thing he probably, most definitely is but can’t bring himself to say yet...when his boyfriend is currently sifting through dozens of spray tanned MySpace posed women in his area to feign interest in. 

*

The producers agreed to let them shoot everything but the ending by themselves in a vlog style, and for that Dan is eternally grateful. He doesn’t think he could keep his composure with an audience. 

Phil films him as he talks about his potential date. He has actually gotten a few messages. He won’t admit it, but even though they hold no interest it does do something for his ego. Attention is attention and he’s not going to pretend it doesn’t feel good to be wanted. 

Those poor girls don’t stand a chance though, and he does feel a twinge of guilt thinking all those single people desperately looking for what he’s already found, waiting for his response in the hopes of finding a connection. 

He found his connection. The thought of not having Phil in his life sends chills down his back and he just can’t dwell in that place for too long. 

“Hey, come here.” He puts his phone down and opens his arms for Phil to lay down with him. 

Phil complys but doesn’t fully snuggle in. “We’ve still got to film getting ready for our dates.” He attempted to finger quote the word ‘date’ but fails by using his entire hand. “Which is annoying since we’re not even going anywhere.” 

He buries his face in Dan’s neck like a petulant child. “Don’t wanna put trousers on.” 

Maybe it’s a little bit of defiance at the heteronormative narrative he’s being forced to tell. Maybe all this romantic shit is getting to him. Maybe he just wants to go on a nice date with his long term boyfriend. 

“What if we do go on dates.” Dan asks tentatively. 

Phil looks up at him with furrowed brows. “I thought we said we’d fake it. Dan, I really don’t want to deal with small talk with a stranger.”

“No, you buffoon! With each other...we can go out tonight.” He’s already getting a jolt of energy at the idea. “All romantic and shit. A proper date. We can go to the cinema or something. That way, we’re not technically lying either.”

“Awwwe Danny! You asking me on a date? You like me or something?” Phil’s tongue pokes out from between his teeth as he giggles. 

“Yeah, poor Steph doesn’t get that sweet Phil Lester move but I do.” 

He’d be lying if that didn’t fill him with pride. 

“Only you.” 

*

The cinema is practically empty, so they get to indulge in traditions that started almost 3 years ago now. Sometimes Dan still can’t believe it. 

They share a popcorn and Phil pulls his special ‘arm around the shoulder’ yawn move like he needs an excuse to wrap himself around Dan. It’s still as cute as it was back then.

Phil buys him flowers on the way home from the film despite the constant danger of running into a subscriber. He even acts a little shy as he presents them after they’d split off to pick up some essentials for the flat. 

On the walk home, when they’re sure the coast is clear, Dan links his arms through Phil’s. 

“Best first date. I feel a little sorry for Sabrina.”

Phil scoffs. “Uhh it’s Steph. Get my date’s name right.”

“Oh, sorry.” Dan snickers. “Guess we should figure out how that went, huh. Gotta film the review tonight.”

Phil seems to ponder for a moment. Dan knows the signs of the wheel’s turning in that weird wonderful brain of his.

“She picked her nose at the table and wanted red licorice from the concession stand. Clearly a secret alien.”

God he loves this man. “So no spark then? No love tingles?”

Phil gives him a smile. “Not with her, no. No tingles. Maybe later on though...”

He shoves him in his side pushing him away, only to reel him back in. “Shut up, you idiot.”

“What about your date? Future Mrs. Howell material?”

“Nah, she only wanted to talk about football.” He fake gags. “Probably wants a manly man who drinks beer and can lift more than the weight of an xbox controller.”

“Ew. Sounds terrible. She’s wrong anyway.” 

This conversation feels too exposing for a public place, but there’s no one around anyway as they make their way under the troll bridge. “Oh yeah, why’s that?”

“Well, footballers are thick aren’t they? I prefer intelligent guys. And no human needs to lift anything more than an Xbox controller anyway.”

“I’ll remind you of that when we’re lugging boxes next month.” 

It’s not lost on him that this move, while ultimately good for their careers, will only bring more eyes on them. More questions. He’s excited for their next chapter together, but Dan is fully aware of the price he has to pay for it. 

But they have each other. They always have each other. No amount of plausible deniability or fabricated female dates can take that away. 

“Shush. Anyway!” Phil nudges him to shut up. “A smart guy with loads of opinions that he’s not afraid to yell about. With pretty brown eyes. Aaaand dimples and gross morning breath but you’ll still let him kiss you first thing anyway.”

Dan’s not even trying to hide the fact that he’s on the verge of tears. “I do not have gross morning breath! You’re one to talk, mister midnight snack!”

“Whatever. My point is we’re a perfect match.” 

They’re coming up to the flat entrance. Where they’ll film the stupid vlog and woefully lament about how their dates didn’t go well. 

But after they’ll cuddle in bed they share and maybe get each other off with an added sappiness. They’ll wind down from the day and talk about anything and everything until one of them can’t hold their eyes open anymore. 

He’ll take Phil’s glasses off for him and kiss his cheek and remember that every single ounce of hurt and pain, with the world, with _himself_ , is worth it for him. 

“Guess we are.”

**Author's Note:**

> Reblog [here](https://ahappydnp.tumblr.com/post/611702315814158336/swipe-right-t-12k-summary-dating-apps-first) :)


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